ME: What kind of BEES make Milk instead of Honey?
Dirty Friend : BOOOOOOBIIIIESSSS
ME; HOW DO YOU MAKE HOLY WATER
FRIEND: You boil the shit outta it.
Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog — at least he’ll quiet down after you let him in.
When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet. I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.